How to have a difficult conversation with parents (A guide for teachers)

A meeting with parents or carers can be daunting, especially if it could involve discussing a tricky subject. No matter the situation, there are some key principles you can follow that will give you the best chance of a purposeful and positive conversation, allowing you to maintain those vital relationships with students and parents and focus on what you do best: teaching.

1. Have a plan and purpose

Before the conversation, decide what your key take-home message is and a basic structure you hope to follow. Perhaps it’s a concern about a change in behaviour that you want them to be aware of and support you with. It could be that you’re meeting to discuss a sanction for a particular incident, or to get a commitment from home that they will support their child with uniform or punctuality. Sometimes it might be appropriate to invite a colleague to attend with you, for example someone who knows the family well or has more experience of meeting with home. Whatever the purpose of the meeting, make sure it’s communicated clearly at the start and end.

2. Take and make notes

Take some brief notes into the meeting with you to ensure you cover the key information from the school’s perspective and ensure that you have all relevant information (reports, assessments, etc.) available to refer to if needed. This will keep the meeting on track and is also reassuringly professional for those you are meeting. Check beforehand if your school has a particular proforma that you should use, and ask if all parties are happy for you to take notes during the meeting. As it progresses, make notes of key points raised and any outcomes, including timescales for when they will happen. Being prepared and actively listening shows that you value their time and are taking this meeting seriously.

3. Clarity

Speak clearly and be direct when discussing the issues at hand, so that there is no confusion as to what is expected from all parties involved in the meeting/conversation. It may be tempting to beat around the bush in an attempt to make the conversation easier at the time, but in practice any misunderstanding will not be appreciated by either side and will create more work down the line.

4. Patience and empathy

Be patient with parents or carers during a difficult conversation. Allow them time to express their thoughts, and always avoid raising your voice or speaking over them. It may be a very difficult situation for the family to find themselves in, so try to put yourself in their shoes and empathise with their position before responding. Respect the parents and their feelings even if you don’t agree with them – it is important that they feel heard and valued. This will help you come up with constructive solutions that benefit both parties.

5. Professionalism

Remain professional throughout the conversation, avoiding personal opinions or criticism of either party involved in the discussion. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into an argument, just as you wouldn’t with students. If you feel the meeting is no longer productive, politely draw it to a close and offer to reconvene with a senior staff member present to support.

6. Focus on solutions

Rather than dwelling on blame or fault-finding, the aim of the conversation should be on finding solutions that can be implemented to improve the situation. Ensure that the family knows you have the student’s best interests at heart. Ask for their suggestions – they know their child best and most parents will be happy to try and work with you.

At the end of the day, parents and carers want what’s best for their child – and so do you. Keep that at the heart of your conversation, come prepared, and ask for support if you need it.